Day 22. The best answer to anger is silence- Anonymous

I met with my thesis advisor today, and she talked about the ways my silence impacts her. I was flattered that I had some affect on her, especially on someone that I respect so much and also don't see often. She decided to remain silent for the last 20 minutes. For some reason I felt uncomfortable being looked at in silence and I wondered if I put my friends into that uncomfortable spot. I am sorry if I did. 

I really needed to do this silence thing, because I am jumpy and also ;) bored to tears, so I wanted to teach myself a lesson. I feel like I did. I have become more patient with people and situations. From the pace of my walk, to the amount it takes me to eat. Some people around me, intentionally or unintentionally, play mental games with me and provoke me. Pre-silence Stavros would had been furious, but now I can somehow control it. It will take more to be provoked. Moving on, or better, i remain still and let the universe move up/down/left/right wherever it wants to go.

Attention.

I get more than I want. The initial idea of this was to distant myself so I could observe better, but sometimes people get curious and once they start they won't stop asking questions. Last night I avoided giving answers and that worked against me. Some people that knew about it, took the role of the narrator. In a way, I wasn't bothered, but still the attention was there. I am not complaining, it's just tiring, especially when it comes in contrast with the  whole idea of mysticism. 

My prep talk of the day included the following quote:

"you rock.

you are sending yourself messages about what you are furious about. 

if you want to be a real poet you need to do so much less than most.

you already have the hard part-you have made contact with a dark of your root brain.

now get vulnerable in your interpretation of these runes"