Day 11. I've learned silence from the talkative,tolerance from the intolerant,and kindness from the unkind;yet I'm ungrateful to the teachers.

The title quote is from Kahlil Gibran-Lebanese poet.

I have a lot of things to say so I guess its a good thing that my "housemates" had a fight over something totally stupid at 8 in the morning. 

Some more observations, but before i start typing them i would like to comment on the fact that some initial reactions have changed ( not because they were miscalculated, but because some things "don't go deeper, they just go forward" J.M. Hecht).

Noise.

I feel that I have become more sensitive to  sounds. Maybe its the same principle behind people that lack one of their senses, and some other sense of theirs is increased. Sitting in a bar the other night, i could hear loud and clear every single noise from the tables around me. Maybe its because my mind and senses are working on a different wavelength right now, but every sound sounded intensified and louder. 

Poker cards.

I have noticed that people pause their speech while i am writing on my reply cards. I am not sure if this is done consciously in order to be polite or if they are subconsciously, just giving me my time to respond ( like in a verbal conversation). In any case I find this extremely respectful and flattering. 

Why poker cards? I'm in a fortunate position to hold my words in my hands and decide when to show them. I get second and third chances to edit or even cancel what i wanted to say. i can easily contril what kind of things  and at what point i say them.It is like a real poker game and i need to make them best out of my notecards.

Is not speaking an illness?

I was revisiting some of my older posts and I read on how some people felt sorry for my incapability to speak. They treated me with sympathetic looks on their faces which it is kind of a proof there is still hope for peace and harmony. But why the sympathy? Is it a pathos not to speak? Do they feel sorry because they assume the worse about my "situation", or is it any kind of verbal communication incompetency a sad subject?

Face muscles.

If laughing makes indeed life longer, how about smiling? I think i have been using my face muscles a lot(even typing that sentence feels weird, but what sane person would do this anyway?). Without a doubt the face is the primary mean of communicating feelings and reactions, and I believe that since I don't speak, i have been giving my face muscles some serious exercise.

What will be the first thing I say?

this is regarding a personal question/obsession of mine that i have about last words. I like to ask people to tell me what would had been their last words before they died. If they were allowed to say a few words, what would those be? I was trying to figure out mine for years and recently I have decided that it would probably be: sygnomi which means i'm sorry in Greek, probably because I recognize all the mistakes and unfairness i did in my lifetime. What a nice gloomy subject. Last night I was wondering, what would be the first words i say when i decide to speak again? This experience is like a feeling of rebirth and just like a newborn mumbling his first words i think it is important for me to choose ( since I am not a toddler) my first words.