How to read this blog

For a better understanding of the blog's story,

start reading the entries beginning February 1st

Who are you? I'm not.

this blog feels like a  high school classroom in August. There is so much emptiness in this pseudo silence. Aren't all half-assed things half -assed?

I'm a minimalist.

Fireplace.

Married.

Cats.

Nice place.

Job.

Shrink chair.

Good wine.

Like you said.

Less makes me happy.

Where are you

at this point?

I got a long 

way to go.

Married.

Job.

Shrink chair.

Good wine.

Nice place.

Cats.

Fireplace.

sh

Do you remember everything
you have said this past month?
Half of them. I'm taking lessons.
This is the symbol of our
government. Ibrahim.
We agreed to say that
I'm the dude in the Panda suit.
He is old and he makes them.
He forgets I can hear and he
gets frustrated trying to explain
to me in sign language. Anything in mind?
Nirvana. It belonged to
other writers. By the way, relax.
I’m a poet. Less writing.
It facilitates painting.

I meant

I mean,

how does one express emotions in silence? Facial expressions? How about from a long distance? Over the phone? Silence.

Anger, discomfort, anxiety. I guess they don't exist. They do exist but are drowned in the swimming pool of the face. 

So

If we agree that people actually do learn things from repetition and practice... then if an emotion stops been expressed or repeated, do people un-learn it?

Can silence resolve serious issues?

Silence can resolve only our own personal issues. Are words the only thing we possess in order to advice and help others? Is silence considered apathy in western cultures?  Seems that this is the case. How do words help? Is the understanding of them the same for different people? how much harm can silence make? How much harm can words make?

Greek saying:

"A tongue has no bones, yet it breaks bones"

have a good weekend 

March 6th. Excerpts from my notes

Are you off today? Are you stoned?
Are you sober? I don't have cell phone
reception. It's a long time. I can still
hear. That would be so funny if
they were doing it to fuck with the
customers. I write every day. Look
outside the window. The wall frame.
I saw these before. It's a woman. It is
2 guys. Have you seen it before? They
had one on a spinning base. He showed
a product called Bayonnaise. Bacon
& Mayonnaise. I don't want to talk
anymore. I will go get change.
I miss my Vespa. They have it in diet too.
Can you cook lettuce? Stavro.
Come & find me. Can I have two
$10 bills please? I am trying
to learn about mysticism. We will
be back for it. Another John.
She was eaten by dirt. H2O please.

March 5th. What I read today.

Excerpts from The Mystery of Sound.

The life absolute from which has sprung all that is felt, seen, and perceived, and into which all merges in time, is a silent, motionless, and eternal life which among the Sufis is called zat.

Every motion that springs forth from this silent life is a vibration and a creator of vibrations.

As motion causes motion, so the silent life becomes active in a certain part and creates every moment more and more activity, losing thereby the peace of the original silent life.

Man is not only formed of vibrations, but he lives and moves in them;they surround him as the fish is surrounded by water.

The vibratory activity is the basis of sensation and the source f all pleasure and pain; its cessation is the opposite of sensation. All sensations are caused by a certain garde of activity of vibration.

If there were no rhytm , if it were not for the law of rhythm, we would not have distinct forms and intelligent conditions.

Harmonious forms are manifestations if a right rhythm, and inharmonious forms are manifestations of a disorder in rhythm.

...by controlling this rhythm one can prolong one's life, and also that by neglecting this rhythm one can shorten it.

What repulses or attracts us in a person is a very often his rhythm. One person is rhytmic, and his influence is soothing;another is out of rhythm, and he upsets everybody.

By being regular one maintains rhythm in everything one does, and an irregular person will always find himself lost, because he cannot accomplish anything from want of rhythm.


I can't think of a more beautiful rhythm than the rhythm of silence. In this case,Silence becomes such a relevant term. Silence is the rhytmic sound of the virgin vibrations.

March 4th. Wed nes days & Sun days

So I speak on W and S. I told my mom and she got upset. She said "aren't you done with that nonsense?". I said that I wasn't asking for permission, I was just informing her. She said. I don't remember what she said. Selective speaking goes hand in hand with selective hearing. Fair.

Today, I put on a Great Red Suit and went to the NYU library. I read some Jennifer Michael-Hecht, some Gary Snyder, and some poetry by Nikos Karouzos. 

 

I met with a friend today. G and I did not hang while I was on my VOS. She said she can't imagine me being silent. I agreed. I talked ALOT. I guess once again, I felt that I needed to make up for that loss time. I am tired. I am also glad it's Thursday tomorrow. 

I typed everything I had written down in February. I mushed everything together. It is very abstract. I was thinking of editing it and make it part of my thesis. Part of the creative part. ( ?)

Last night I met with my peer group. They suggested I crop that massive block of text into smaller parts (jennifer suggested the same). I will post an excerpt tomorrow.

What did the sadist do to the masochist? Nothing. 

March 3

I talked, and now I feel tired. I speak softly and I am try not to stress my voice chords too much. I expected at least a few people to call me or text me on March 1st, but surprisingly no one did. 

My first words were not profound, as some may had expected. ;)

Another thing I noticed besides being tired from speaking is the speed of my walking. I am walking faster now. I miss silence already. I knew I would. I miss that serenity, my meditating state of mind. I have decided to talk on wednesdays and sundays.  

The reason I feel tired over this past 2 days is because I have subconsiously tried to "catch up" and make up for the "lost time". I felt that similar guilt against my friends. While I was in the shower I played a conversation I recorded yesterday with Jennifer. I didn't talk  for the most part of it, but at the times that I spoke, I wish I hadn't said any of the useless things I said. I think that a good way to evaluate ourselves ( if one desires to) is to tape record what we say and play it the next day. 

I know I have mentioned it earlier but I feel empty.

March 1

We made it. We completed the initial task. I say we, because I could never do it without your understanding, respect and patience. Thank you! Now what? Would my friends feel "betrayed" if I kept this going. I know for sure that I cannot just resume everything and pretend it is all "normal" again. I am not sure if I want that anyway. Therefore, I have decided to only talk on specific days. I need to start babysitting again and have some sort of income. ATM machines depress me. Where does the expression "money talks" come from?

I still have to figure out how I will do this.